The it-girl cultural phenomena of the moment? Demure, darling.
In alignment with all the great phenomenons of the modern zeitgeist, #demure rose to relevancy on TikTok. And in alignment with most movements of note, the mastermind behind demure is a trans woman.
Earlier this month, Jools Lebron uploaded a TikTok in which she waxed poetic about her demure ethos regarding makeup in the workplace in this 38 second viral video.
@joolieannie #fyp #demure ♬ original sound – Jools Lebron
“See how I do my makeup for work? Very demure, very mindful. I don’t do too much,” the former cashier turned global sensation, mused to her followers. “A lot of you girls go to the interview, looking like Marge Simpson, and go to the job looking like Patty and Selma, not demure,” the breakout star lectured, her tone prim as English tea time. What makes the video so appealing is Lebron’s sophisticated comedy chops. Demure is a concept we normally associate with insufferably privileged aristocratic debutantes from the South. Lebron delivers the idea of demure with the dry, serious vigor of a lady-in-waiting, without being a lady-in-waiting (she’s Puerto Rican, from Chicago, and collects Bratz dolls)—creates a refreshing tongue-in-cheek irony to a dated term. And yet, her makeup is very demure and very mindful. You don’t see her going to work with a green cut crease.
The video has since garnered over 37 million views and everyone from the likes of JLO, Lindsay Lohan and RuPaul has taken to social media to express their affinity for all the things “demure.”
It doesn’t end in celebrity either. More than likely, your feeds have been overrunneth with everyone from your drunk Aunt Mindy to your republican landlord weighing in on what is “demure.”
Demure is a sophisticated trend, complicated to wrap the ole’ brain around and with so many voices reverberating the echo chamber—it can be challenging to decipher who knows what the hell they’re actually talking about.
According to Oxford Languages, demure is defined as “reserved, modest and shy (typically used of a woman).” And yes, that might be true in the “literal” sense. But Lebron, myself, and the real demures of the internet-at-large, have adopted a far more nuanced, imaginative definition of demure than the tired academics at Oxford could dream of.
Which is why, my demure-darling-in-training, I’m going to steer you away from both the rigid academics and the reckless trend-hoppers online and instead lead you toward the premier source of modern-day demure: the queer femme.
Because what iteration of human embodies nuance, imagination, and sophistication quite like a queer woman? After all, we’re complicated creatures, and being complicated is the foundation of demure.
Don’t take my word for it—let’s take a look at Jenny Schecter of the L Word.
You’d be hard-pressed to find anyone that defines what it means to be demure today than Jenny Schecter. She looks like a harmless, wounded fawn, yes—but here’s the thing: the bitch knows what she’s doing. All real demures do. Demure is never accidental; it’s always calculated.
Do you think Jenny ended up with those impish bangs on accident? Listen to me, your lesbian big sister and decades-long demure dyke: no adult woman has bangs on accident. Bangs are a strategic choice. A choice one makes when is up to no good but will manipulate the masses into thinking they’re as innocent as a schoolgirl (who are rarely innocent, tbh).
Bangs are not dissimilar to another wardrobe staple of Jenny’s—one favored by moi—the gingham prairie dress.
Any woman over the age of I don’t know, babe—thirteen?—who isn’t an active member of a Mormon polygamist cult—is very aware of what she’s doing when she rocks a gingham, ankle-grazing prairie dress.
Look at our muse, Jenny, who is both smart and ambitious and wants what she wants. She knows that in order to win—she must feign doe-eyed innocence to throw off her competition—many of whom are still dumb enough to conflate a good girl gingham with harmless naivety.
It’s like that famous Muhammad Ali quote, “float like a butterfly, sting like a bee”—only the femme fashion version. If you, like Jenny, want your memoir adapted into a big-budget Hollywood blockbuster, then you know the power of wearing gingham. Or any of her trademark looks: using one coat of mascara to the lashes so they look ~feathery~ and ~youthful~ as you bat the shit out of them, dress like you’re auditioning for the role of Audrey Hepburn in an upcoming biopic, and exuding a quiet, forlorn energy.
Do all this in towns like Hollywood and New York—sinful cities fraught with “look at me’s” armed with aggressive elevator pitches—they’ll find you so utterly refreshing and “non-threatening,” before you know it, you’ll be signing on the dotted line.
Another demure dyke to admire? The late Ann Walker.
Made famous by one of the great sapphic historical fiction dramas to date, Gentleman Jack, the real Ann Walker—born in 1803 to impenetrable British wealth—was as demure as she’s depicted in the hit HBO series.
Who would’ve thought the pristinely educated, soft-spoken heiress of Crow’s Nest, with her pious dresses and pale curls styled into a prissy updo, would have the moxie to toss tradition aside and marry a woman? Who would’ve thought the sad rich girl who loved biblical verses more than socializing would go down in history as a bride in the first documented lesbian wedding in all of Britain?
Walker understood 2024 demure more than any of the current TikTokers piping in right now. She knew intrinsically, that to be really disruptive is to be really demure. Throw off your friends, family, and society at large, by being the ~unlikely~ trailblazer.
And hey—you don’t need to be a 19th-century heiress to accomplish this kind of rebellion, you too can try it at home. Just rock puffy sleeves and speak in full, rigid boarding school sentences and the world will be both shocked and rocked when you do something fabulously radical. Purr.
And lastly let’s take a looksie at the iconic Robin Roberts, co-anchor of Good Morning America, who fell in love with massage therapist Amber Laign in 2005 and married her in 2023.
Yes—in certain circles, being an out lesbian within the conservative constraints of mainstream media is still a tad “subversive”—but what makes her a demure icon is far more interesting. Roberts is the first woman ever to co-host NFL prime-time.
And guess what? She kept up with the boys not by being overtly sexy in style or by downplaying her femininity. She broke boundaries whilst wearing understated, to-the-knee frocks, mostly in solid jewel tones (so demure, so mindful!).
If you want to play big in life—marry a woman and still be a fierce force to be reckoned with on the news and be deemed an authority on men’s sports—be a wild juxtaposition like Robin Roberts. Wear a simple a-line shift to the neck, keep your makeup dewy and simple, get skilled in southern manners (Roberts went to university in Louisana, darling) and break fucking boundaries, all day, every day.
Demure isn’t just a trend, it’s a lifestyle. An empowering lifestyle that embraces the wild juxtaposition that is all of us queer femmes: girly and tough; ambitious and sweet; disruptive and prim; fashion-forward and fierce; gorgeous and gay as fuck.
