NAME: Kevin
MOMMY: Quinn
AGE: 9
SEX: Probably male, but he doesn’t like labels
ETHNICITY: Ball python
BIRTHPLACE: Some mall in Pennsylvania
RESIDENCE: Brooklyn, NY
OCCUPATION: Sleeping without eyelids
FAVORITE TOYS: Sticks, rocks
FAVORITE LEISURE ACTIVITY: Scaring cat people
FAVORITE FOODS: You don’t want to know
PET PEEVE: Bad grammar, cold weather
LEAST FAVORITE PHRASE: “Kev-un!” (Home Alone style)