Ask the Expert

Carol Sugar-Burke is an executive matchmaker for the premier gay and lesbian matchmaking service in NYC, Bespoke Matchmaking.

Dear Carol,

My girlfriend and I have been seeing each other for a little over a year and things have been going very well. Lately, she has renewed a friendship with an old friend who just moved back to New York from the West Coast. Initially, I encouraged their friendship as I believe in independence and felt this would be good for her. Lately, I’m feeling a little uncomfortable with their friendship as she always seems to be texting her, or on the phone with her. I have never been the jealous type, and I want to trust her and don’t believe anything is physically happening between the two of them. But I am really struggling with this. Can I trust her? Why do I feel she is pulling away from me?




Dear Struggling,

Trust issues are one of the most common problems in any relationship. The first thing to consider is why you are feeling the way you are? Is it due to the fact that you’re feeling guilty for not being around as often as you used to be or being as emotionally available as you’d like to be?  To completely trust your partner, you have to fully trust yourself. This means being completely transparent and telling her what you’re thinking and feeling. You have to be true to yourself and completely authentic in order to genuinely deal with what is happening in your relationship. Have a discussion with your girlfriend letting her know what you are feeling. Be honest and direct and not accusatory. Completely trust in the bond the two of you have already built in your relationship to solve these issues.  Listen and be sensitive to what she is saying and feeling, and you’ll be surprised how responsive she will be.  If in fact she’s leaning on this newfound friendship for emotional support that she’s not getting in your relationship, then talk about how to fix that. Remember the four key components to any successful relationship are: trust, honesty, open lines of communication and mutual respect. I’m confident once you’re able to communicate what you’re feeling and listen to what she is feeling, you will be in a much better place.



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