“So, does that even count as, like, sex?”
“That’s so great. Good for you. I wish I could do that, but I could NEVER.”
That’s how my friends consistently respond to me talking about being a lesbian.
Just to be crystal clear, since I’ve come out, I have asked a total of none of my friends to eat me out. So why do they talk about my attractions like this?
They speak freely about every gruesome detail about their encounters with men, while I still felt my voice catch when I said the words “my girlfriend.” I have a great time with these girls and cherish the time I have with them, but that doesn’t mean I don’t crave an L Word squad that I can relate to.
When I started figuring myself out, one of my close friends, Veronica, was doing the same but about 8 months ahead of me. She went on a date with a woman and then told me to stop being a pussy and go get some pussy. Within months, the two of us were in committed relationships with women (crazy how lesbians work), and after a little over a year of dating her girlfriend, she invited me and my girlfriend to stay with them at their new apartment in Austin, TX. I had lived there for a summer for an internship (Veronica was my boss, that’s how we met), so I was super excited to go back to one of my favorite places in the world. I was especially excited to share it with my girlfriend because this was also my first trip with a significant other (it’s been a whole year of firsts).
We were greeted by Veronica, in her traditional “young woman from Jersey” garb, which included high waisted jorts that were shredded as close to the inseam without making it a skirt and a ribbed bodysuit that highlighted her lack of a bra, and long, pointed acrylic nails, and Taylor, a marine captain with perfectly quaffed hair. They are polar opposites, but they are perfect together. They looked so happy and beautiful on Instagram, but even moreso in real life. They were one of the first couples that I had seen up close that looked like my relationship. How was it possible that it wasn’t until now that I got to experience this? Was I hiding from them or were these couples hiding from me?
We went back to their apartment and looked at the couch that they picked out together and saw the bed that they both sleep in and the cats that they both take care of (against Veronica’s better judgment, although she seems to be coming around). I looked around and I thought, “this could be my future.”
My girlfriend leaned over to me and said, “I want an apartment like this when we move in together.” I was so excited. Not just because any mention of moving in together is what every lesbian wants to hear, but I was finally in a space that mirrored my own. It was a mix of girly and gay, and it just felt like home.
Veronica, my girlfriend, and I all went out for drinks with my old coworkers. It was a long awaited reunion, and we were so excited to catch up with each other. The other girls were talking about their boyfriends and fiancé’s, and the three of us were talking about our girlfriends. For once, I wasn’t the sole girl with a girlfriend.
The next night, the four of us went out with one of Taylor and Veronica’s lesbian couple friends. They had their own squad of lesbians that was envy-inducing. Here I was, living mere miles from Cubbyhole, and I have no lesbian squad, while Taylor and Veronica just happened upon a cool-ass gay-ass bad-ass lingerie football team to hang with. Anyway, if I thought a double lesbian date was fun, a triple lesbian date was even more exciting than it sounds. Their friends were telling us about the double-sided dildo they just got, Veronica and Taylor were talking about the home improvement projects they were working on and the preparations they were making for Taylor’s mom to visit, my girlfriend added in her own commentary, and I soaked it all in. Together, we could lament about the problems that only we would understand as women dating women instead of trying to explain it to our straight friends who would never *quite* get it.
Once we got home from Veronica and Taylor’s, I immediately missed them. I missed them because they’re hilarious and kind and smart and insightful, but what I missed most was the sense of belonging that I felt when I was with them. Our time together inspired me to first of all, not feel like I needed to other censor myself, and also to make more friends like me. I had a few already, but I tried to make those connections even stronger in an attempt to create a New York version of what I found in Austin. I found awesome women who were a blast to be around, but I also found that it’s possible to not be the token lesbian.
So with that, I am now accepting applications to my very own lesbian squad. A questionnaire can be found below:
What brand of lesbian do you identify as?
Please describe your style in 3 words:
Do you tuck your t-shirt into your jeans?
How many cats do you have?
Cubbyhole is:
a) a place for children to leave their jackets and books during school
b) idk it sounds close to a gloryhole so maybe something like that?
c) heaven
How many times have you watched “The L Word” in its entirety?
True or false: Kendall Jenner is gay (there is a correct answer).
How many flannels do you currently own in your closet?
Do you have or have you ever considered getting an undercut?
Are you free for brunch?
What is your Insta handle? (If it’s on private, please unlock it so I may make further assessments.)
Why do you want to be a part of this particular lesbian squad?
What do you think you will bring to this lesbian squad?
Applications can be DMed directly to me on Instagram.
What Do You Think?