Surviving The Holidays: Advice From Queers, To Queers
After chatting with some of the wisest gays we know, we have compiled a list of self-care holiday tips.
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Picture this: You’re home for the holidays with your new girlfriend. She’s sitting next to you as your creepy uncle carves the turkey (he’s also probably making a weird sexual innuendo about said turkey). Your aunt asks, “So, who’s the ‘man’ in the relationship?” Your cousin says, “It’s just a phase anyway,” under his breath. Dad decides it’s a great time to talk about politics. All is NOT well in the world. But what is a queer gal to do? Fear not, dear GO reader. After chatting with some of the wisest gays we know, we have compiled a list of self-care holiday tips to address this very scenario.
Travis Mack, 27, from Abilene, TX:
“Don’t debate things with family that you know are true about yourself.”
Angelique Rodrigues, 25, from New York, NY:
“Have tiny escape plans. Going to the bathroom to breathe and talk to myself and going outside for some fresh air usually helps!”
“[Instill] boundaries by saying things like ‘I don’t really want to talk about that,’ [or] ‘Let’s change the subject,'”
Anna-Leigh Siegert, 24, from Dallas, Texas:
“My self-care is staying home and not seeing my family.”
Related: A Queer Girl’s Guide To Meeting Your In-Laws This Holiday Season
Madelyn Thomas, 26, from San Antonio, TX:
“Kindly and gently stand up for yourself and your partner. Don’t let people poke fun at them or your relationship.”
“Make sure you’re at a good point in your relationship, because your happiness is going to be a factor in your family’s acceptance.”
“Check in with your partner frequently and make sure y’all have some alone time to reset.”
Samantha Perez, 29, from the Dominican Republic:
“During the month of December, I try to go to queer events and [spaces] to reaffirm my identity and stay connected to my community… Being around queer spaces leading up to those celebrations allows me to come in more confidently and securely.”
Jessica Clayton, 38, from Colorado Springs, Colorado
“I bring my pup along and try to avoid politics.”
“I now keep my trips short, get a hotel if it feels too crowded, and try to keep conversation about connection and life.”
Related: From Homeless to Home: How LGBTQ+ Drop-In Centers Helped Me Avoid Shame During the Holidays
Grace Gaffney, 26, from Atherton, California
“Schedule a therapy session.”
“Stay busy! Bring hobbies or take a cooking task that’s labor-intensive enough to pull you away from a conversation with your creepy uncle.”
“Have support people that you can call to rant [to].”
“Lie!! ‘Oops, work emergency!” [or] ‘Oh, I have a paper to finish.'”
“Be realistic! Hope for the best, but be real in your expectations. The only thing you can truly control is yourself and your reactions.”
Hannah Kelley, 29, from Los Angeles, California
“Watch comfort movies and bring a good book.”
“Stay off the internet and social media to avoid FOMO or jealousy.”
“Smoke weed with your brother if you can.”
Related: Every Classic Holiday Film Is Gay, If You Just Believe
My advice to you is to equip yourself with emotional tools beforehand by investing in months (or years) of therapy. However, if you don’t have months (or years) at your disposal to do the emotional work, which I’m assuming you don’t if you’re reading this, feign illness. Your mom is asking why you’re not pregnant yet? “I feel a migraine coming on.” Your grandfather refuses to believe in he/him lesbians? “My sciatica is acting up, and I need to lie down.” Grandma decides it’s the perfect time to debate children having access to gender-affirming care? When in doubt, whip out “I have diarrhea.” Nobody can argue with that.
