10 Tragically Confirmed Straights That We’re Still In Love With Anyway

Sigh.

There’s no denying that while we love the many ladies who have come out in past, we could always use more queer celebrities to fawn over. Yes, Michelle Rodriguez and K. Stew are always a part of our fantasies, but damn it, we want more. What’s worse is that many of those gay-appealing celebs are often actually not. How many times can we experience heartbreak? Apparently, a lot. So much so that we’ve compiled a list of some of our very favorite famous babes who have shut down our dreams by sticking to their straight guns. That’s not to say we can ever know for sure whether these ladies may someday change their tune, but so far, these babes have all but confirmed their lack of interest in sapphic romance.

Maura Tierney

 

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Maura Tierney has had a bit of a cult lesbian following since her days as Lisa Miller on “Newsradio,” and it’s not surprising. Tierney has always been smoking hot with a sultry voice to boot. Sadly, though, Tierney has never been known to have any sort of queer inclination, going from a 13-year relationship with Billy Morrisette to, well, who knows? Tierney’s been divorced quite a while now but she keeps things hush hush, but that doesn’t really tell us anything. For now, all we can do is hope that she’s recreating *that scene* from “The Affair” in her real and private life (and if you don’t know what I’m talking about, Google it—you’re welcome!)

Tori Amos

 

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Tori Amos has undoubtedly always exuded some major queer sex appeal, but despite her heavily gay-learning fan base, Amos herself has never been known to be gay in any way herself. The singer-songwriter has actually been married (to a man) since the late 1990s, and they’ve been together ever since. Even if she ever does find herself single again in the future, we’ve all had to put our fantasies of the Cornflake Girl behind, as it seems her appeal is the only gay thing about her.

Rachel Weisz

 

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Who doesn’t have a thing for the oh-so-sensual Rachel Weisz? The British bombshell has always had lesbian appeal but never more so than in recent years in “The Favorite” and “Disobedience.” Yes, that’s when Weisz turned it all up to 11, but sadly this is not the case in real life. Somehow, Daniel Craig put a ring on it in 2011 and has managed to keep our ageless beauty happy ever since. But hey, as long as she keeps taking on roles like her last few, we can try and look past it.

Sandra Oh

 

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“The Killing Eve” star may share plenty of on-screen chemistry with the dangerous Villanelle, but that doesn’t mean it translates into an off-screen romance. In interviews, Oh has even brought up that their chemistry isn’t even the kind that we crave. The former Grey’s Anatomy actress is pretty tight lipped about her love life, but there are so far zero indications that she’s playing for our team in any which way. All we know is she was married (to a man) for three years and has been quiet about her love life since. Still, you’d think if she were even a little queer, she’d maybe acknowledge what it would mean to audiences to have her character be a little lezzie, right?

Natasha Lyonne

 

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Alright, ‘Tasha. What is up with you still holding hard to your hetero card? The girl who became an instant icon in “But I’m A Cheerleader” who later became one of the most openly sexual (and sexy) actresses of all time is, sadly, still not gay. Just a few years back, she once more informed the world she wasn’t queer (although she at least confessed to trying to sleep with women in the past, for whatever that’s worth). Lyonne is currently partnered with Fred Armisen (yeah, I know), but we’ll see what the future holds for the former-“OITNB” actress who is constantly on every queer girls mind.

Blake Lively

 

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Some of us have been following the impossibly beautiful Blake Lively since her days on “Gossip Girl.” Others fell hard for her in her gayest role ever opposite Anna Kendrik in “A Simple Favor.” But despite Lively’s ability to rock a power suit complete with pocket watch, word is she’s not queer in any way. In fact, Lively is married to and has three children with Ryan Reynolds, but we can still dream of an alternate universe where she and (the sexually fluid) Kendrik make it work, right?

Brett Butler

 

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How is Brett Butler on this list? Those of us who grew up in the 90s fondly remember the deep-voiced comedienne and star of “Grace Under Fire,” and I know I’m not alone in having thought she was gay as all get out. But if you do a bit of perusing on the internet, you’ll find that there’s nothing to even remotely suggest Butler is in any way an Ani Difranco fan, so to speak. Butler’s been married twice, both times to men, and has never been known to date women though, so there you have it. 

Whoopi Goldberg

 

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Speaking of celebs who were huge in the ‘90s, apparently Whoopi Goldberg is also not batting for our team. Yep, you heard right. Goldberg has even addressed the rumors (as well as the fact that despite being straight she remains a gay icon) in various interviews. While single today, the actor has been married three times (and yes, all to men), and has never once been linked romantically to a woman, so guess that ends that. 

Busy Philipps

 

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Many of us grew up with crushes on “Dawson’s Creek” and “Freaks and Geeks” lovable actor Busy Phillips. And in fact, there were even rumors revolving around her and “Creek” co-star Michelle Williams. But the truth is, Phillips is exceptionally straight. She’s the kind of straight that straight up tells you, “Yes, I’m straight.” Meaning there’s absolutely no speculating on this any further. Guess our favorite “Cougar Town” queen will have to remain so in our fantasies.

Salma Hayek

 

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No doubt people gay and straight alike have been fantasizing over Salma Hayek since that table dance in “From Dusk Til Dawn,” but she won over more queer hearts after taking on the role of notable bisexual artist Frida Kahlo in the film “Frida.” Unfortunately, in recent years, Hayek has come out to share the awful darkside to that sapphic scene (screw you, Harvey Weinstein) and has more or less been confirmed to be strictly straight. As far as we all know, the Salma of our dreams only exists in the form of an animated lesbian taco.


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