Community Voices, Lesbian Lifestyle, Lesbian Problems, Sex + Dating, Wellness

The Perfect Breakup Playlist For Girls Who Love To Stew In Their Sadness

February 11, 2020

Zara Barrie

Because feelin' is healin.' No matter what you're going through.

I’ve always been magnetically drawn toward all things blue, even when I’m “happy.” I’m a whore for feelings. I’m a wallowing wench. A sadist for sadness.

One of my biggest goals in life is to open up a sadness themed bar. Instead of having gogo dancers I would hire depression dancers; big-eyed girls with lots of smudged black eyeliner, dressed in vintage baby doll dresses and distressed dr. martin boots (the universal sad girl uniform). Instead of flipping their hair whilst seductively shimmying across a bar, my girls would stare into the sorrowful distance whilst swaying listlessly to the likes of Lana Del Rey and Billy Holiday.

Sadness Queen. — Sadness Queen Via Pinterest.

Sylvia Plath poetry would be hand scrawled across the walls in black ink and the cocktails would be named after all the fabulous types of sadness that exist in this gorgeously forlorn world: The “Heartbreak & Hennesy.” The “Lost Girl Lemon Drop.” The “I FEEL SO OLD Fashioned.” The “I Hate Manhattan.” The “My Prozac’s Not Working Paloma.” The “I’ve Descended Into Madness Martini.” The “Meltdown Margarita.” And of course, “What Am I Doing With My Life” on the rocks.

One might accuse me of “glamorizing sadness” and truthfully, I likely am. But, personally I think sadness could use a bit of a PR makeover. Let’s put some lipstick on her and stop trying to shame her into silence and hiding. I mean, we’re all so fucking afraid to feel sad that we avoid it like it’s the plague! And sadness (I happen to know her well) she doesn’t like being ignored. So when we let sadness fester inside of our bodies, she metastasizes into dreadful things, like acute anxiety, self-medicating, numbing out, addiction, toxic relationships, the works!

What if instead of fearing the sadness we dared to embrace her? What if instead of distracting ourselves with soul-sucking reality TV shows, we allowed ourselves to really ~indulge~ in the melancholy?

There is a very specific beauty that lives inside of our sadness. She isn’t mainstream beautiful like hopefulness or cheerfulness, but I’ve always preferred an exotic, rare beauty anyway. If sadness were a girl she would look like one of those girls that makes you feel things; Rooney Mara, Zendaya, Angelina Jolie.

While America doesn’t always celebrate the nuanced, complex beauty of sadness, and instead worships the local cheerleader with the crest-white strips smile and the pin-straight hair, a lot of cultures around the world embrace sadness. Portugal is famous for always leaving a saved seat at the dinner table for sadness. In fact, there is a word in Portuguese that I absolutely love: saudade. Suadade means “joyful sadness.” According to BBC travel writer, Eric Weiner Saudade is “a longing, an ache for a person or place or experience that once brought great pleasure. It is akin to nostalgia but, unlike nostalgia, one can feel saudade for something that’s never happened, and likely never will.”

One of the best times to really experience suadade is when you’re in the throes of a breakup. When your heart is broken you have such deep accessibility to this vast array feelings, some of which you likely forgot about. Nothing shakes your world like a breakup. I mean — you’ve been plucked right out of the safety of your partnered routine and you’re likely starting to realize how much you’ve slept-walk through your life!

I say take advantage of that shit! Heartbreak is a fleeting breath of time, even if it doesn’t feel that way right now. But oh, it’s such a powerful time to just let yourself cry about everything. Not just your lost lover. The lovers of your past. Your mother (Afterall: If not one thing it’s your mother). The dreams you’ve given up on! That bitch who bullied you for having hairy arms in the fifth grade!

Heartbreak is like opening up pandora’s box and finding all these unresolved feelings and past traumas inside. And it’s good to have a healthy cry over all of it! It’s how you heal. It reminds you of who you are underneath all that fucking numbing armor, you know?

And what is the best way to indulge in the darkness? Music, babe. Which is why, your favorite resident sad girl (moi) has compiled the perfect playlist for those in the throes of a breakup, or for you bad bitches who just want to feel.

Because feelin’ is healin.’ No matter what the hell you’re going through.

(Also I’ll be sure you are all the first to know when I open up my sadness bar.)