Life is short. You should definitely make out (or more!) on the first date. But how?! you ask. Like so many things in this cruel world, first-date-kissing-initiative can be an anxiety-provoking experience, especially for two women. We don’t have those weird heteronormative rules about who should make the first move.
Once you’ve gone on enough dates with women, you’ll realize the first kiss thing is really no sweat. It’s actually really easy and natural. (Yay girls!) But if you’re anxious like me, you’ll still agonize over it. No amount of successful first date hookups can take away the awkwardness of the initiation. Luckily for you, I’m gonna break down the elements of a first kiss into a cute little list:
1) Compliments, compliments, compliments!
Compliments make me purr like a kitten. And they work both ways! Usually, all my brain can process on a date is you’re so sexy you’re so sexy you’re so sexy. So I just say it out loud! It’s simple. It’s effective. If someone tells me I’m sexy, I’m immediately thinking of sex (as if I hadn’t been already.) Give a genuine compliment. Make eye contact. Lean in. See? You’re getting good at this!
2) Liquid confidence.
Girl, there is nothing wrong with a *SMALL* date pregame. If having a drink calms your nerves before a first date, then I say go for it. If I wasn’t sucking down a Pinot Grigio in a bar down the block before my dates, I’d never have sex again. But don’t drink too much or you’ll look sloppy as hell and lower your chances of having an orgasm! Tragic but true.
3) If you’re nervous, be honest! It’s endearing and cute. Trying to be cool all the time? *yawn*
^ actual footage of me on a date.
After my first date with my ex, I was already smitten. We had talked for hours and I was sure we had a connection. I wanted to kiss her, but I was a scaredy-cat. “You make me nervous,” I giggled. “You’re cute,” she answered. Then she kissed me!
4) Accept that sometimes awkward shit is gonna happen.
Maybe you’ve gotten to undressing and you notice an extra long nipple hair on yourself. Maybe you both go for tongue at the same time. Maybe you’ll try to be sexy and grab your date’s face and knock over your vodka soda at Cubbyhole (f*ck my life). But you know what? At the end of the day, if someone is into you, they’re into you, regardless if you’re cool all the time or not.
5) There are no perfect moments.
To get to the perfect moment, you gotta take a chance! Live a little! Life has lead us to believe that we’ll know when the moment is right. But life is awkward. Life is weird. I mean, you’re meeting a stranger from the internet. This isn’t a Nicholas Sparks movie. Sometimes, you’ll both awkwardly stand there and stare at each other upon saying your goodbyes, willing the other person to take action. This is the part where you hear my voice in your head (or the song from the Little Mermaid) saying go on and kiss the girl!
6) Sometimes there are absolutely perfect moments (seriously!) Trust that they will happen.
Sometimes, I find myself making out with a hot girl and I’m like, is this real life? Because it happens so seamlessly, so naturally. The best kisses are the ones you don’t have to think about: they just happen. And before you know it you’re ubering back to their place. Sometimes you just get lucky.
7) Consent is the name of the game!
If your date pulls away or indicates they don’t want to kiss, don’t kiss them. The same goes if they go in to kiss you and you’re not into it. You should never feel obligated to kiss someone just because you went on a date with them. But if you and your date are super into each other and consenting, there’s nothing wrong with going farther. Including but not limited to fingering each other in the bar bathroom, making out in Ikea a la “500 days of Summer,” holding hands, showing each other pictures of your embarrassing middle school phases, all the bases; there’s no wrong way to have a first date.
8) Go somewhere ~sexy.~
Might I suggest Milk and Roses in Greenpoint Brooklyn?
9) Keep the conversation interesting.
Get over your anxiety and show her that you want to get to know her. It’s hot.
10) Ask permission.
If after reading this list you’re still wondering how to kiss on a first date, I recommend asking. There’s something so vulnerable, respectful, flattering and honest in asking, “Can I kiss you?”
There you have it, babes.
