The Shy Lesbian’s Guide To Picking Up Women At The Dinah Pool Party

Shy girls: We see you and we *are* you.

Photo by Nicole Matte, Amber Martinez

Greetings, my fellow shy lesbians! I see you and I am you.

Normally, I am the loudest, craziest, and most entertaining person…until I see a woman I find to be wildly attractive. Then I completely lose my personality. (Autocorrect just changed that to personalities. *Roasted.*)

So what does a shy girl do at Dinah? You want to hook up just as much as the hot, confident swag lesbians, but you fear you don’t have any ~game~. As if it isn’t intimidating enough to pick up a woman at your local gay bar, now you have to pick up a woman in the middle of THOUSANDS OF BIKINI CLAD LESBIANS. But fear not, my shy babe, allow me to be your Dinah spirit guide. I promise you have game if you would just calm the f*ck down, girl.

1. Trust that people are nice

When you’re deep in your shy-ness, it’s easy to convince yourself that no one wants to talk to you, or that everyone is cooler than you. But I can actually PROMISE you that there is nothing more supportive, accepting, and turnt up as queer girl energy. Everyone is there to have fun and meet people. Mostly everyone is there to hook up. If you take the plunge of a simple “hey” to a group of queer girls, chances are they’ll be like “hhhaaaayyyy!!!” and boom. New friends. Or new potential hookups.

2. Trust that people are drunk

You know when you’re drunk in a public restroom and you and a random girl shower each other with drunk compliments and unconditional love? Picture that but on steroids at Dinah. Plus we’re all gay AF on top of that. Yes, this is the happiest place on earth.

3. You are literally already half naked

If you can be half naked in a sea of lesbians, you can hit on a woman! If that doesn’t give you some sexual confidence, I don’t know what will. You’re already halfway there. Tell her you ~like~ her bikini. I believe in you.

4. Everyone is here to do basically the same thing

The best advice I have ever gotten was from an old editor when I was applying for jobs — “They WANT you to be the right fit for the job. It solves their problem just as much as yours.” Now WTF does that have to do with being drunk in the middle of the desert trying to hook up with the girl in the white monokini and platform wedges? It means that we’re all just horny lesbians here to be our true horny selves without the dumb male gaze. It means that she probably thinks you’re cute too.*

*But if she doesn’t, then respect that and walk TF away. Don’t be persistent or creepy. I know you won’t, but just in case.

5. Buy her a drink

This is the oldest trick in the book for a reason, but it is underutilized by the shy babes of lesbo-land. Stop stressing yourself out thinking of the perfect, oddly specific opening line, and just say “Hey, can I buy you a drink?” This is only creepy and annoying if you’re a weird frat guy at a bar, and you’re not: you’re a hot lesbian at Dinah f*cking Shore. Buy her a damn drink.

6. Be honest about your loser anxious self

What works for me 10/10 times, once I’ve made the first move and still feel a little freaked out, is some good old-fashioned honesty. “You’re so hot, you make me shy,” is honest, flattering, and sexy.

7. But not too honest

You get that one line, you hear me? Don’t go on and on about how anxious you are. Or don’t say what I say when I’m nervous “I have no social skills.” That will make her vagina dry up.

8. If it’s too much, make a plan to link up at another party

So you’ve gone up to her, said hey, bought her a drink, cutely admitted that you’re nervous, but you’re still feeling debilitatingly shy and need a break? No worries, babe. How about “My friends and I will be at x Party tonight, maybe we can link up?” Then you can high tail it out of there and chug a margarita and deep breathe into a paper bag or whatever weird anxiety ritual you have.

9. Talk to her friends

People’s friends want them to get laid. So chat her friends up! It’s also not a good look to only talk to one woman when she’s clearly with a group. Be social and sweet!

10. Be yourself

I know, I know, this is lame, but it’s true. The only time you’re going to come off totally weird or awkward is when you are trying way too hard to be someone that you’re not. If you’re a little shy, no worries, that makes you uniquely you! Just refer to this trusty list, and you’ll be making out in no time, anxious vibes and all.

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