For better or for worse, lesbians love long-distance relationships. If you’re in love (or lust!) with someone who happens to live a flight or long car drive away, you know how challenging it can be to keep the romance alive. Living miles apart from your partner means you often miss out on sharing everyday things together, such as grocery shopping, deciding what to have for dinner, and Netflix nights. And yeah — having sex with regularity.
Though long-distance relationships can be challenging, it doesn’t mean your relationship (or sex life) is doomed. In fact, there are plenty of ways to keep your relationship healthy and thriving, even when there are many miles between you and your love interest.
Communicate — and then communicate some more!
Communication is important in every relationship, and long-distance relationships are no exception. In fact, I’d say communication is THE most important thing to focus on while you and your partner are dealing with the distance. If you don’t have words, what do you have left? Text throughout the day sharing details of what’s going on in your life, no matter how mundane. Make sure to carve out plenty of time for FaceTime and Skype dates. Give each other a call when you can, whether it’s to chat for an hour or sing, “I just called to say I love you!” Communicating frequently will help you and your love feel closer, even when you’re miles apart. And if you’re sick of using technology? Write her a letter and drop it in snail mail, the old fashioned way! Who doesn’t love getting mail? Which brings me to the next suggestion.
Send care packages
My partner and I sometimes wear a T-shirt we know the other would like, and then pop it in the mail when it’s nice and sweaty. Kidding about the sweaty part — mostly. This may sound a little pathetic, but when you want nothing more than to bury your face in your lover’s neck and soak her in, her T-shirt will serve as a small substitute until you can breathe her in again. Even if sending shirts in the mail isn’t your thing, you can send her little sweet treasures and surprises in the mail to let her know you’re thinking of her.
Who doesn’t love getting a saucy text from their lover? Whether you’re bored at work or laying in your bed longing for some action, sexting is one of the most accessible ways you can maintain intimacy. Sexting can help bridge the gap and bide the time until the next time you actually can go down on your woman. But while you can’t, why not describe all the ways in which you can’t wait to give her pleasure (and get yours too, of course!) through sexting. Sometimes it’s a little frustrating to get all worked up with no promise of sex later that night, but that’s what masturbation is for. You and your hand and vibrator are going to be intimately involved during the duration of your LDR. Send naughty pictures, or write a text explaining what you’d like to do to your partner if she were sitting in front of you at this moment. However you sext is up to you, but make sure your partner feels desired and wanted by you, even when you can’t reach out and grab her/kiss her/make her come.
Share your dreams for the future
When you’re in a long-distance relationship, you’re often in countdown mode to the next reunion, and sometimes, the days that stretch between visits can often feel agonizingly long. Staying connected and voicing your desires and dreams is a great way to bridge the gap and help you feel closer. It’s important to make sure you’re both on the same page not only about your next visit but about a shared life in the future. Never stop sharing your hopes, dreams, and desires for the future, whether that’s for your visit next month or your five-year plan.
Make a mutual “bucket list” where you share what things you want to do with one another the next time you’re together. And keep a bucket list of things you want to do when you’ve finally closed the gap and share a life together in person, every day. This will give you something to look forward to when the distance leaves you longing for more.
Have date nights
Though date night won’t look like it typically does in person, don’t let that stop you from having a good time together. Schedule a Skype date for Saturday night, for instance, and play a game together. You can do trivia, or Madlibs, or even Pictionary. Whatever you do, don’t give up on the romance and dating each other, even when you can’t be together in person. Maintaining that romantic connection and doing things beyond “just” talking is important. Not only that, but it’ll give you something to look forward to throughout the week. Every Saturday night, my partner and I have a rum and Coke together while on FaceTime. Sometimes we watch a movie at the same time, other times we play trivia, and other times we come up with silly jokes that only we understand. We always come away from the date night feeling closer.
Though being in a long-distance relationship comes with many challenges, it can actually lead to a stronger bond — and yes, even a better sex life — if you and your partner nurture both your emotional and physical connection while apart. Keeping your connection strong as you count down to your next reunion takes a lot of work, but putting in the effort now will help your relationship feel stronger. It’ll also make the sex all that much more mind-blowing than you remember and the time you do get together all that much sweeter!