I received an email from a couple asking for advice on how to incorporate fisting into their play. They were both turned on by the act, but concerned about safety and hurting each other. Fisting, like any sexual behavior, is more about the attitudes and connection between the participants than the action itself. Sure, fisting can be rough and hard, but it can also be sweet and soft.
Here are a few tips to ensure a good experience for you both:
1. Make sure your hands are squeaky clean
Scrub your hands, nails and fingers before you have sex. If you have longer nails make sure you get all the soap and any dirt out from underneath them. Remove all jewelry. Consider wearing a glove; it creates a barrier similar to a condom and protects against STDs and possible infections. It also has a slip-and-slide effect and can make the hand glide more smoothly. If you have longer nails or wear nail polish, it’s a great idea to wear a glove to protect against any unexpected chipping.
2. Arousal is key
Make sure your partner is turned on and relaxed. Fisting requires deep relaxation, trust and arousal to be pleasurable. Before you get started with the fisting, take some time for foreplay. Once your partner is wet and relaxed, use your favorite water-based lube. I love the Sliquid H20 line, but any water-based brand will do.
3. Start slowly
The word “fisting” creates this mental picture of someone balling up their hand and plunging it inside a vagina. That’s pretty much the opposite of how you should begin. Think of it more as starting to finger your partner and gradually adding more fingers when your partner is ready until you’re using your entire hand. It’s a marathon, not a sprint.
4. Establish a safe word and communicate
Establish your safe word before you begin having sex. Continue checking in with your partner throughout your play session to make sure everything is still feeling good. As you slowly add each finger, ask your partner to describe the sensation they’re feeling. Dirty talk can be a huge turn on, but it also serves as a way to ensure your consent is vocal and enthusiastic.
5. Pull out slowly
When you’re finished, glide your hand out very gently and slowly. Allow the pelvic floor muscles to loosen before gradually sliding your hand out of the vagina. This is done in part to avoid tearing and to be mindful of the sensitivity of the area post-orgasm.
Meg Ten Eyck is a fun loving and feisty LGBT advocate and community educator. Her blog dopesontheroad.com is among the most popular lesbian travel and culture blogs on the internet. Have questions for her? Email her at Meg@dopesontheroad.com.
The advice offered in this column is intended for informational purposes only and should not replace or substitute for any medical, or other professional advice or help. For concerns requiring psychological or medical advice, please consult with an appropriately trained and qualified specialist This column, its author, the magazine and publisher are not responsible for the outcome or results of following any advice contained within this column.