15 Signs You’re A Long Island Femme

You’ve mourned the fact you can’t have stiletto nails.

Photo by istock

Being a lesbian that plays with mostly ~city girls~ it’s often pointed out to me that it’s obvious that I’m from Long Island. Look aloof, Dayna, look aloof! I used command myself while waiting for a date to walk in the bar. Look aloof so she’ll think you’re a cool city girl. But without fail, I jump up and greet her with HEY! and a cheek kiss. Then I’ll inevitably pronounce coffee as CAWFEE or dog as DAWG, or I’ll mention my lash technician or the fact that I am in desperate need of a spray tan. Then my leather jacket-clad date will usually say, “you’re from Long Island, aren’t you?” So I don’t try to hide it anymore. Yes, I’m from LAWNG Island, and I’m proud AF. Because once Long Island femmes make it to the big apple, we blend our over-the-top style with NYC’s minimal style and voila! You have the coolest femme ever. I know there’s a lot of us Long Island femmes in this amazing city– and here are 15 signs you’re one of them, babe.

1) Though you love city style, it’s not really ~glamorous~ enough for you.

Minimal? Chic? Huh? You like flashy, dramatic, bold. Cheetah print, 6-inch heels, accessories? Check, check, check.

2) You don’t get your beauty services done in the city because they never do it dramatic enough for you.

Subtle glow? No thanks, you’ll take the darkest spray there is. Natural lashes? No thanks, you’ll take the dramatic AF ones. No-makeup makeup? Um, no, then what’s the point of wearing makeup?

3) You uber everywhere.

What’s a subway?

4) You love the beach almost as much as you love bikini clad girls!

All your city friends ~love~ to visit over the summer once they realize how close you are to the water. Who’s in the cooler neighborhood now, bitches!

5) You refuse to wear sensible shoes.

WTF are loafers?

6) You’ve mourned the fact you can’t have stiletto nails.

I know, I’m sad too, girl.

7) You are an expert at combating homophobia.

You likely grew up around lots of homophobic people, and you’re tough AF.

8) You idolize Kim Kardashian.

And you refuse to apologize for it.

9) You get wet AF for butch women who treat you like a princess.

The thought of getting taken care of is just so hot.

10) You have a best friend at including one but not limited to one, the following meccas: Sephora, the nail salon, eyelash extension boutique, tanning salon.

It takes a village to look this good!

11) Your beauty team assumes you’re straight.

And you’re anxious to correct them.

12) Being surrounded by Guidos growing up, you were sure from a young age that you are definitely gay.

Yup, definitely gay.

13) Coming to the city for the first time felt like a religious experience.

The queers! The culture! The shopping!

14) You know there is no better first date than authentic Italian food.

Nothing gets me out of my clothes faster than being wined and dined.

15) Though city gals beat us in nightlife, we have The Hamptons, wine country, and Cherry Grove.

which translates to party, party, GAY party.

Are you a Long Island femme living in NYC? Let us know in the comments! And let’s go get mani pedis together.

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