Video Of The Day: The Terrifying Moment You Realize You’ve Become The SNL Fire Island Parody

I’ve become the lesbian in the water socks. Sigh.

Good morning queer babes! Hope everyone had a ~brilliant~ weekend. Mind was kind of terrifying, and you know me when I’m feeling things—I just become fueled by an irrepressible desire to share my experiences with all of you kittens. 

So you all know that SNL Fire Island “Cherry Grove” skit, the one in which I’ve embedded below? I watched it months ago and thought it was hilarious (because I’m one of those increasingly rare lesbians with a sense of humor). However, I was super smug about the whole thing. “That’s so funny, but I’ll never be that kind of lesbian!” I smugly purred to myself, batting my mega lashes vainly. “My friends and I are wild. We will always be wild.”

And then suddenly, I became that kind of lesbian. It was a terrifying moment of acute realization and it happened to me this weekend. Instead of my usual routine of beaching all day, going to watch some fab drag at the pool show all afternoon, and partying with salt-water-hair until the wee hours of the morning, I went home at a reasonable time. I was with my friends, who, for purposes of this article, I’ll call Sally* and Lucy.* Sally, Lucy and I sang, Kesha’s heartbreaking anthem “praying” at the top of our lungs approximately sixteen times. Then we sang Kesha’s gentle acoustic ballad “rainbow” approximately thirty times. I’m pretty sure I wept as I was singing. (In fact, I’m sure of it). It was like that scene in the skit when they’re all singing Annie Lenox at the dinner party, only it was Kesha, which is equally as gay in my very gay eyes.

It’s a tough pill to swallow. But it’s OK. I’ve lost my edge, and I’ve become the lesbian with the water socks—there are worse things than being a lesbian in water socks, right? These things just can’t be helped, you hit a certain age and suddenly you just want to sing and cry over a vegan potluck dinner. With your Sapphic sisters, as some sort of primal expression of woman-ness.

So. Any of you starting to go down the SNL parody path? Or are you guys still all wild and cool and I’m the only one and will be left wailing to The Indigo Girls watching the sunset all alone?