My latest comedy play LOVEBIRDS will premiere at La MaMa Theatre, June 6th through June 15th. In it, I play six gay and straight romantically challenged New Yorkers. Here’s an excerpt.
(Copyright Marga Gomez. All Rights Reserved. 2014)
Scene: Bonnie and Clyde’s, a lesbian bar, New York City, 1976
(to woman on her left) Hi! Capricorn? Libra? Aquarius? Oh Scorpio—that was my next guess. Don’t you think it’s weird that we’re at a lesbian bar and they play sexist music. It’s so demeaning. I’ve been working on a paper on the effects of cock rock on the self-esteem of adolescent girls. I’m a women’s studies major! … (awkward silence) You probably hear this all the time but you look like Jane Fonda. Not Jane Fonda in Barbarella, because that was just a sexist male interpretation. Jane Fonda in Klute. You did? I just saw it. So empowering. “Empowering” is my favorite word. It’s nice to talk to someone “right on,” someone who gets it. (whispering) The lesbians here are self-loathing. You know what I mean? My name is Dahlia. Thanks! I just changed it. Used to be Barbara, but there are so many Barbaras. BORING! Now that I’m a lesbian I wanted to do something radical, so I renamed myself and cut off my hair. It used to be really long. My dad was mad, but now it’s like I can reach up and touch my mind. I’m getting a tattoo, too. Like goddesses around my tricep. What’s your name? Oh—uh, I’m so sorry, Barbara. It’s a fine name. Oh, no! Please forgive me. I’m just newly out.
(Dahlia is shoved and addresses woman on her right) Excuse me—I don’t think you realize that whatever you’re doing is hitting my arm. So. Ow! What? You’re with her? Barbara, you are together?
(to woman on her right) Arghh! How am I supposed to know when she’s standing by the singles wall? That’s such a Scorpio thing to do. Oh, no … there’s my ex. (Waves away someone approaching) Turkey, leave them alone.
(in a fighting stance, addressing women next to Dahlia) Yo! What’s the problem here? Why are you touching my girlfriend?
I’m not your girlfriend.
You are my girlfriend. We made out.
Yes, we made out. It was the first time I kissed a woman. And I thank you for that. But, Turkey, so much has happened since then. I’m looking for a feminist relationship and you’re hetero-normative. You emulate the dominant culture. And I have feelings for someone else. She’s older and so rad, and she runs my lesbian-feminist separatist gathering. She changed my life. Dr. Aurora Flashmoon. I’d do anything for her. But I’ll always care for you, Turkey. I want to give you a copy of her book she autographed.
(reads title) Uterus—Uterus?
Actually it’s Uterus—You Tear Us. It’s so empowering.
(hands book back) Fuck that shit. Go on, Barbara Dahlia! I can do better. (gesturing) I’m gonna be a millionaire.
(to Philly) Did you see that Philly? Did you see what that two-faced, that two-named girl did to me? Oh, man. I’m crying—take a picture. So I don’t be stupid again.
Marga Gomez’s LOVEBIRDS tickets are on sale now @ lamama.org.