Everything You Need To Know About The Royal Wedding, As Told By A Lesbian Brit

We break it down for you, American style.

Photo by shutterstock

Tomorrow, May 19th, 2018 is not just a big day for The UK, my darling dearest, but for the world at large! Unless you’ve been living beneath a dozen steel rocks you know that Prince Harry will wed Meghan Markle in Windsor (a stunning English oasis approximately 20 miles west of Central London).

Now, as a dual citizen of the UK and the USA, I strongly feel it’s my civic duty to go over the Royal details with all of you lovelies. See, I’m a rare hybrid of a lesbian, as my “mum” is a wild English rose, who raised me English, English, English. She incessantly quizzed me on Royal family trivia as a child, slapped my hands if I dared to hold my knife and fork incorrectly, ensured Absolutely Fabulous was forever playing in our living room’s background, and never, ever, ever let me take myself seriously. I was reared to love the Queen (and I do!) and to self-deprecate constantly. My father, on the other hand, is a New York City Jew whose family fled Eastern Europe and entered this country via Ellis Island. I was raised on both bagels and crumpets, Monty Python and Seinfeld, the Royal Family and the Kennedys. I speak both languages, fluently.

And it has recently come to my attention that some of you Americans don’t quite get all the juicy Royal Wedding details, as it’s often reported in very British terms you might not fully comprehend.

Which is why I’m going to break down for you, American style, a few of the exciting details of this very epic and exciting wedding. Starting with…

1. The Queen Approves!

The Royal Marriages Act in 1772, states that the monarch is able to veto the marriage of a family member, and is required to give formal consent to any family marriages (so no one attempts to “diminish the status of the Royal house”).

Were there concerns that perhaps our lovely Queen would neglect to give her consent to the gorgeously in love, young couple? The only people I know who doubted her majesty were Americans, muttering things, like, “The Queen won’t approve of their marriage because Meghan is a divorcée! She’s a commoner.” Personally, I knew the Queen would approve, because first of all: traditional royal rules have majorly calmed down in the modern days, lots of royals have had relationships with divorcées, and contrary to popular opinion there are no rules that state a prince must marry someone of royal or aristocratic blood.

However, I’m sure it was a sweet little relief to the couple to get the Queen’s formal approval. After all, only the six people closest to the throne legally require the Queen’s approval: Charles, Prince William, Prince George, Princess Charlotte, Prince Harry, and Prince Andrew.

On March 14th the Queen gave her formal consent:

“My Lords, I declare My Consent to a Contract of Matrimony between My Most Dearly Beloved Grandson Prince Henry Charles Albert David of Wales and Rachel Meghan Markle, which Consent I am causing to be signified under the Great Seal and to be entered in the Books of the Privy Council.”

2. The Wedding Ceremony Is In Windsor! Not London! 

Windsor is a gorgeous, whimsical place, (about 20 miles west of Central London) that looks as if you stepped into a fairytale! It’s one of my favorite places on the planet. Not only is it lush and green, it’s home to the oldest, largest inhabited castle in the entire world! Windsor Castle.

Photo by shutterstock

It’s the official residence of the Queen, who weekends there. Just slightly more plush than my Fire Island weekend getaway.

The Royal Wedding will take place on the grounds of the castle, in St. George’s castle.

Photo by shutterstock

3. There will be flowers galore! 

London florist Philippa Craddock will be doing the flowers for the wedding and plans on decorating the chapel with a fleet of “white garden roses, peonies and foxgloves, as well as branches of beech, birch and hornbeam for the floral displays, which will be distributed to local charities after the wedding.” 

According to Kensington Palace, most of the plants will be sourced from the gardens of the royally owned Crown Estate and Windsor Great Park.

4. 1,200 Ordinary Members of The Public will be in attendance.
Ordinary people, like you and I, will be joining the festivities on the grounds of Windsor Castle. The “ordinary members of the public” are invited by nine regional lieutenants, who are personal representatives of Queen Elizabeth. They nominate important people in British society, such as service members, schoolchildren, and charitable mavens. They will enter the grounds of Windsor Castle at 9 AM sharp.

5. Prince Charles will walk Meghan Markle down the aisle.

Meghan Markle’s father, Thomas Markle Sr., will not be attending the Royal Wedding, as he’s recovering from heart surgery (and there’s also the whole staged picture rumor.  Could be part of it, who knows really?). Prince Charles, Harry’s father, will walk Meghan down the latter part of the chapel aisle in his place.

6. There is a dress code.

The dress code is not as intense as you might assume, in fact, some posh boarding schools in England bear much stricter dress codes.
The men are supposed to wear uniforms (service uniforms) or lounge suits (a classic business suit, no top hat and tails required!). The women are encouraged to wear “day dresses” which means a nice dress that isn’t a long, glittery evening gown, and of course…HATS!

I can’t wait to see the wild, fabulous, bizarre, questionable, chic, over-the-top HATS the ladies of the Royal Wedding bust out!

 7. Donald Trump wasn’t invited.

Can you imagine? Trump at a royal wedding?

8. Meghan Markle has six bridesmaids and four page boys.

Unlike the United States, bridesmaids in Brit culture are rarely grown-ups. Meghan Markle opted out of having a maid-of-honor as not to hurt one of her MANY best-friends’ feelings (I get it! As a newly engaged woman, it’s rough out there!).

Here is who her party of little cuties will be made up of:

Bridemaids: Princess Charlotte (3-years-old) , Florence van Cutsem (3-years-old) and Zalie Warren (2-years-old): goddaughters of Prince Harry, Rylan Litt (7-years-old) and Remi Litt (6-years-old): goddaughters of Meghan, and Ivy Mulroney (4-years-old): daughter of the stylist Jessica Mulroney.

Page Boys: Prince George (4-years-old),  Jasper Dyer (6-years-old): godson of Prince Harry, and twins Brian and John Mulroney (both 7).

9. We don’t know what their titles will be yet!

We won’t know until after they’re married what their titles will be. Lots of rumors swirling that they will be “The Duke and Duchess of Sussex,” but we’ll keep you posted!

10. The After Party is at Kensington Palace.

The wedding ceremony might be in Windsor, but the real party, the reception, will be at the fierce Kensington Palace in London! Very close to all the nightclubs Prince Harry frequented in his wild youth!

 11. Here’s where you can watch it!

The wedding will be live-streamed on the Royal Family’s official Facebook Page!
Prefer the “telly” as we say in England? CNN, ABC and basically every other channel in existence will be reporting la live!