Are you kissing no one at midnight? Have you been feeling like you’ve somehow *lost* your mojo? Does the thought of dating seem a bit daunting? Are you sexually and emotionally frustrated? If yes, why not make your New Years resolution to up your dating game?
I have been crafting, backspacing then re-crafting the same f*cking message over and over again to one of my tinder matches. You see, I’m in the middle of, like, a kajillion things right now (this Long Island lez is moving to Brooklyn!), and I’m not realistically available for a date for two weeks. That is setting my anxiety sky-rocketing, hence me obsessing over one stupid little sentence.
I may be a sex and dating writer, but oh honey! I panic my way through life, especially when I’m on dates. Though I am an anxious babe, I still have a HUGE dating success rate, which is why you should listen to me, dear lez. So I’ve crafted for you 10 easy resolutions to up your dating game for the new year.
Dating anxiety is cancelled for 2018.
1. Send The First Message
Just get over yourself and do it! And I’ll give you a hint: It doesn’t have to be the perfectly written witty, life-changing opener. You can literally just say ‘hey.’ Then more you send the first message, the better you’ll get at being ~smooth.~
If you need a little bit of extra coaching, might I suggest my trusty guide to improving your tinder game?
2. Have Open And Honest Communication From The Jump
Be upfront about who you are and what you want. If your date is poly and you’re not down with that, that’s okay. If you’re super busy for the next two weeks but are super interested, let your date know. Whatever it is, just communicate. Sounds simple but so many of us are guilty of not communicating. Like the time I didn’t tell my date she was breaking my vagina.
3. Show Mega Enthusiasm!!!
Exclamation points are back in style for 2018. (they have always been at GO because we believe enthusiasm is chic!) There is nothing wrong with showing excitement to talk to a lovely lady. I would match rather go out with a girl that expresses human emotion rather than being cold and calculated, wouldn’t you? Exactly! Trying to be aloof all the time? So 2017.
4. Date As Much As Possible
This one can be a little tricky if you’re like me and can’t really handle multiple dates. Or if you’re a Leo like me and it’s just your nature to immediately put all your loyalty and attention on one person. But that’s a lot of pressure for one person. And it isn’t a way to up your dating game. Date around, my sweet little lez. You don’t have to go on two dates in a row, but maybe two in the same week? I believe in you.
5. Commit To Dating
Dating, like anything worthwhile, requires effort. Answer your tinder messages. Set up a date. Fight through anxiety. You. Can. Do. This.
6. Don’t Overthink
LOL impossible right??? But actually, super manageable. Be bold and decisive. Just press “send.” It’s not that serious. And if you are still positively vibrating with anxiety, refer to my dating-with-anxiety guide.
7. Plan A V. Cute Date
8. Leave Your House
Meeting girls is honestly so much easier than you think. Try Cubby, Hens, Stonewall, Misster @ The Woods, Ginger’s, Bum Bum Bar, and Hot Rabbit @ Lot 45. These parties are filled with lesbians. Go talk to them.
Everyone has the same end goal, basically: we are all looking to get laid. We are all on this anxiety filled human connection quest together. Think of that when you see a hot girl and feel intimidated. Buy her a drink. You got this.
9. Ask Around
I know there’s this whole universal gay annoyance when a friend says “I know a lesbian, you should go out!” I get it, it is irritating when a straight person thinks you’ll get be attracted to someone just because you share a sexuality, but, at the same time, that’s easy dating! I say: Hell yes, straight friends, introduce me to that *one* lesbian you know.
10. Be Yourself, Babe
The only times I have completely embarrassed myself or had a bad date were the times I was concentrating too hard on being someone else. You are perfect the way you are, dear lez. So have a glass of wine and let your personality shine, babes!
Dayna Troisi is proud to be a staff writer at GO Magazine. Her essays have been published in Buzzfeed, Vice, SELF, Racked among others. Dayna is passionate about writing essays that focus on lesbian dating, beauty + fashion and her badass bionic arm. Dayna has an MFA in poetry from Hofstra University, where she also taught Creative Writing. Dayna serves as GO’s nightlife editor and loves to turn up at queer NYC bars & clubs. She identifies as a dyke princess/Jenny Schecter fan-girl and lives on Long Island to be closer to her lash and spray tan technicians.